Child Across the Sky by Jonathan Carroll

Author:Jonathan Carroll [Carroll, Jonathan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-4532-6491-1
Publisher: Open Road Media Sci-Fi & Fantasy
Published: 2012-06-27T01:00:00+00:00

6

WHENEVER A DREAM comes true, you take one step closer to God. But the closer you are, the better you see him, and he may not be at all what you imagined.

I fell in love with Cullen James the way I’d always wanted to fall in love: with the joyous enthusiasm and devotion of a teenager, the grateful appreciation of experience. I wanted her the moment I met her. She was someone to fight for, someone to long for. I spoke to her too fast, wanting her to know everything. Her smile said she understood my hurry. My dream came true.

We never went to bed. I never tasted her thin mouth. She was happily married to a man I had no quarrel with, a man who was capable and strong and essential for her. I wasn’t, and that is where my dream came true too much. I’d finally found what I wanted, an invaluable coin in the street, but there was no image on the other side of that coin. Cullen wanted a friend, not someone else to share her life with.

Why Danny James and not Weber Gregston? An array of reasons, some of which you’ll find in her book Bones of the Moon. But what I remember best (and most painfully) was a conversation we once had where I asked her that very question. Why him and not me?

“Because you and I drive each other crazy too much, Weber. I drive myself crazy enough with all my nervousness and eccentricities. You and I fan each other’s flames. Right now that’s okay—it’s wonderful!—but we’re only just beginning. You always smell good and are on your best behavior at the beginning of an affair. But what happens later when you know from one glimpse the other’s in a shitty mood and has no way to get out of it? Or the best way to retaliate is to stay silent for three days? You and I would do that to each other. We’d fight too long and be mean, even when we didn’t really want to. We’re too alike, Weber. The person who drives me craziest is me. What happens when two me’s or two you’s get into bed at night? Sure, we make great love and have the best conversations in the world, but we also know the tenderest parts, like karate masters. All the most dangerous pressure points. Hit them here and they die in a second. Hit them there and destroy their ego.

“Danny gives me peace. It’s not a dull peace, either. We balance each other. Isn’t that what we should be doing—looking for balance?”

“How do you know all this without even trying?”

“Because I’m afraid I’d like living with you too much, and then I’d find out way too late it was a terrible mistake ever to try.”

“That sounds cowardly.”

“Being safe and being loved is not cowardice. We’d love each other, but there’s no safety between us, Weber. We’d be flinging each other across trapezes without a net. That’s

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